When my kids were little, I had this idea that they were going to naturally just spend all day in “independent play.”
I thought they would play and play and not yell “Mooooooooooom!!!” every eight to ten seconds. That is what I thought.
And when that did not happen, I thought the solution was maybe to binge-eat all the chocolate in the house & watch six hours of HGTV? Probably??
Expectations and (Super Valid) Needs
I had an EXPECTATION about how they were going to behave, and that came from my need—my totally legit, valid need—for quiet alone time.
And when my need wasn’t met, it was up to me to figure out how ELSE to meet that need. (Drowning in home improvement television did not actually fix anything.)
Right now we are all experiencing unmet expectations and unmet needs! Every one of us!
And we get to decide: are we going to numb out to avoid feeling that way all day?? Or are we going to practice naming our expectations & finding new ways to meet our needs?
How to Handle Unmet Expectations
Things you might totally, legitimately need right now: alone time. interaction with other adults. A sense of purpose. A sense of control. A routine. Lunch. To make a list. To organize something. A nap. A cup of hot tea.
Right now we might be expecting other people to behave in ways that let us get our needs met. The bummer is, those other people are not mind readers! They may not do what we expect at all.
It’s up to us to bring our expectations back in line with reality, or to choose another way of meeting that need. (Or both. Doing both also works here.)
Whatever it is that you need: you’re allowed. You’re allowed to need what you need. Now let’s figure out what to DO about it so there will still be chocolate left in the house TOMORROW.
