If you happen to have kids, I want you to think back to the time before they were born.
See, right before my oldest daughter was born, back in the Days of Yore, I used to do things like Run To The Grocery Store and Go To The Movies and Stop By Target—on a whim! Just for the heck of it! I could just, like, GO! Can you imagine??
And then after she was born, running to Target was suddenly a WHOLE THING that required DIAPERS and BLANKETS and a HAT, and then right as you had your hand on the doorknob, ready to go, the baby would have a sudden diaper blowout situation resulting in not just a change but BATHING and washing her HAIR and then bathing ME and washing MY HAIR, and by then going out the door felt seriously overrated.
The thing was, BEFORE she was born, I thought I was in control of my life and my little world!! And then AFTER, I realized WHOOPS NOPE! I am not actually in CONTROL of anything! I can’t control the diapers or the baby hunger or the lost binkies or even the WEATHER, for goodness sake. I’m not in control around here!
We’re not actually in control.
Which is actually FINE. Control is not a real thing. Control is an IDEA, and when we believe we have that kind of power, we get anxious and graspy, trying to control things that can’t be controlled.
You aren’t in control. BUT GOOD NEWS: You ARE the grownup IN CHARGE of your own life. Watch this video to see what I mean:
You aren’t in control, but you are in charge.
You are IN CHARGE OF all kinds of things, things like:
- What you wear.
- What media you consume.
- How long you scroll.
- Whether you go outside for fresh air and sunshine.
- How you rest.
- Whether you move your body.
- Whether you reach out to another human being today, over text or phone or zoom or ETCETERA.
You are IN CHARGE OF a whole lot. And the choices you make in THOSE areas will affect how you FEEL today.
How do you want to feel?
I want to feel grounded and joyful and connected today—at least in between all the other stuff. So I’m going to make choices around the things I AM in charge of to feel that way.
For example:
- I am in charge of what I wear, so I got dressed this morning instead of staying in pajamas all day.
- I am in charge of what media I take in, so I closed my news feed for awhile and read a book instead.
- I am in charge of whether I stay indoors or go out, at least some of the time, so I went outside this afternoon to feel the earth under my feet.
I am in charge of all those things, and making those choices helped me to feel the way I wanted to feel.
What to do if you feel out of control
If you’re feeling out of control right now, I want you to try this.
- Think about how you want to feel today. Choose a couple of feelings to aim for. (I’m not saying that how you feel is totally within your control—see what I did there?—but we can certainly choose what to AIM FOR.)
- Make a list of five things you are IN CHARGE OF today.
- For each thing you’re in charge of, decide: what are you going to do in that area to feel how you want to feel right now?
You are in charge.
You’re not in control, but you are in charge. And you’re doing a great job. xo.
