Top 10 Signs that Father’s Day is coming.
10. Someone has tried to sell you a golf club or a grill in the last week. No one in your house has ever used a golf club or a grill. No one in your house has ever even wanted a golf club or a grill, as far as you know.
9. All the heartwarming cat stories in your feeds have been replaced by heartwarming dad stories. The GIFs are still cats, at least.
8. There is a #1 on a coffee mug or a phone case hidden somewhere in your house.
7. Your child made one of those construction paper necktie cards that children have been making for decades. (No one has invented a glue stick craft for business casual yet.)
6. You have been so inundated with links to “This Man [found/called/videotaped] His Dad [after twenty years/with the best news ever/being awesome] and What Happens Next Will Make You [cry/swear/smile all day],” that you finally clicked one. You did not [cry/swear/smile all day]. You said “huh,” and clicked away.
5. You are torn over which gift best represents your relationship to the father-person in your life. The package that says “You’re the best, here are crew socks,” or the shot glass with a mustache?
4. You are starting to think that maybe “Bluetooth Speakers For Dads” really are a thing.
3. Your child wrote things on the inside of a card, things like “You’re the greatest!” and “May the Force Be With You,” and “GO TEAM DAD!” They mean it, every word.
2. You keep trying to write something down, too, something about partnership and love and respect and I SEE YOU THERE, doing the good hard work and being awesome. But it keeps coming out “I’m so glad you are responsible for half of each of these children.” Which does not really sound right, all written out.
1. You draw a mustache on the card instead, and hope he understands.