This week’s Six Word Fridays topic: GROW. Grow up. Grow a garden. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Grow on!

Need more details, or just want me to email you our next topic? (Our email is fun, I promise.) Check out this page for the answer to your every question.

Here is the thing. If your neighbor offers to lend you a food dehydrator, your kids will recognize it immediately. “Oh!” they will say. “That’s the thing you use for drying placentas!”

And then you will have to decide whether to quick explain that we ourselves have, in fact, never used a dehydrator for anything, including but not limited to placentas–though we have seen it done–and we promise not to dehydrate placenta or any other organ in yours, we were just going to make banana chips, thanks for offering to let us borrow it to try it out, mm-hmm, yes.

What I am saying is: if you are going to borrow kitchen appliances, first make sure your neighbors are exactly as weird as you are.

Or else make sure that they want to know all about placenta encapsulation. Because two years later, my kids are still happy to describe the process, and it does involve a dehydrator.

On second thought, this might be advice that applies to no one but me.

 
This week’s Six Word Fridays topic: GROW. Grow up? New growth? Your growing sense of… what? You tell me. This Friday. (More info: right here.)

 
This week’s Six Word Fridays topic: BRING. Bring it on, bring it up, just bring it.

Need more details, or just want me to email you our next topic? (Our email is fun, I promise.) Check out this page for the answer to your every question.

- Garbage truck before 7am.
- Smoke alarm, when you push that little “test batteries” button.
- Or when you spill vegetable stew on a hot burner, accidentally creating a smoky mess.
- Doorbell at naptime.
- Band-aid removal.
- Outdoor play that in any way involves a trampoline.
- Pan flute. (You’d be surprised.)
- Tractor. Herd of cows. Dinosaurs. (I’m guessing.)
- Power tools in the garage. (This one I know for sure.)
- Floor drum. (Or substitutes: soup pot, seat of chair, your sister’s head.)
- Your sister. (See previous.)
- The neighbor’s dog. (Barking at the sister.)
- The toddler person. (Reacting to the dog.)
- Your mother. (To be heard over the toddler.)
- Dad. (Walking in the door from work, trying to figure out what on earth is going on.)

Note: the fact that we do not own any electronic noise-amplifying devices (guitar amp, microphone, foghorn)? Totally not accidental. Just in case you were wondering.

 
This week’s Six Word Fridays topic: CHARGE. Charged up? Charge on! Lead the charge.

Need more details, or just want me to email you our next topic? (Our email is fun, I promise.) Check out this page for the answer to your every question.

(This is my own personal method. Your mileage may vary.)

1. Wash hair on Thursday or Friday. Plan not to wash again, because it’s frizzy right after washing, then calms down and is normal-person hair for the next day or three.

2. Saturday afternoon, have kid(s) accidentally splatter mud over your head while gardening.**

3. Think to yourself: oh well, I will wash it tonight! By morning it should be only medium-weird.

4. After kids are asleep, fall exhaustedly into your own bed. New line of thought goes like this: I do not EVEN care. The mud is surely gone by now, and no one will notice anyway, it’s fine, fine, it’s fine go to sleep zzzzzzzzzzzz.

5. Wake up to mud, still in hair.

6. Stare at mud in mirror for a long minute.

7. Listen to inner voices debating: mud! friz! mud! friz!

8. Give up. Roll eyes at self in mirror.

9. Arrive at church with unruly friz hair.***
 
 
*Based on my personal experience, this method also works for other events, including but not limited to weddings, graduations, family reunions, and family picture taking.

**Alternatives to mud include play-dough, spaghetti sauce, peanut butter, and smeared banana.

***Yes it is possible you could have worked this out on your own, but isn’t it much more comforting to know you don’t have to? That’s what I thought.

ME: “Something sticky’s in the fruit bowl.
        My solution: eat all the fruit.”

MY HUSBAND: [blink. blink blink. blink.]

He’s listening, just… has no reply…

This week’s Six Word Fridays topic: LISTENING. Who’s listening to you? And what are you listening to?

Need more details, or just want me to email you our next topic? (Our email is fun, I promise.) Check out this page for the answer to your every question.

PLUS! Don’t forget! Today we’re linking up with Momalom’s FIVE FOR FIVE! Click here to add your post to the Five for Five link list.

I am the venerable Leonardo. Hello.

What? Yes, girl-child, I suppose you may pat my mane. Respectfully.
Because I am venerable, but also kindly. Watch the toes.

Seriously, now? At my age, and me being all respectable and whatnot?
This is what happens? Shoe in my mane.

And then THIS KID just did a somersault, people. OVER MY HEAD.
Can he not SEE the venerability here? Is my regal bearing not CLEAR ENOUGH?

Whatever, man. Whatever.

Five for Five. Today’s topic: AGE. I intend to be exactly this awesome as I age AND BECOME VENERABLE. Just for the record. You?

BIRD 1: Where oh where shall we build our nest? Somewhere safe, and private, where we will be bothered by no man.
BIRD 2: How about here, directly over this front door? There is a double stroller parked here, and a minivan. I am guessing this place is abandoned.
BIRD 1: Perfect.

Nest.

BIRD 1: These strange wingless creatures keep walking under our nest! And opening and closing that door!
BIRD 2: I say we dive-bomb their heads. Or, alternatively, we can wait until they are directly underneath us, then fly away in terror, beating our wings so loudly that passersby think something is exploding.
BIRD 1: Genius.

The nest is safe from ground creatures, like turtles. An 11 year old would need a boost to see in.

BIRD 1: Our egg has hatched! Our baby is born!
BIRD 2: Good ‘nuff. Let the people see.
BIRD 1: I thought we were dive-bombing them?
BIRD 2: That got old. Now we’re ignoring them.
BIRD 1: I see.

Toddlers do not understand the appeal of the nest, or the bald baby bird therein.

BIRD 1: What is that little one even looking at? The porch ceiling? He’s not interested in our nest at all!
BIRD 2: The nerve. I say we fly to the nearest tree and tweet angrily from there.
BIRD 1: “Angrily” tires me out.
BIRD 2: Fine. We’ll just sing.
BIRD 1: Tra lala—
BIRD 2: Actually, that porch ceiling is kind of interesting. And if we perch up there, we can look into our own nest!
BIRD 1: I have always wanted to look into our own nest!
BIRD 2: It’s just lucky I chose this spot to build.
BIRD 1: Well done, really.

Five for Five. Today’s topic: PICTURES. What do you see, from where you are?

Words.

Blogging on topic makes me unable to think of any on Monday night, so I fool myself into believing I’ll be able to write them in my head while the children are playing Tuesday morning. But then, when the children are awake, all my words are theirs:

“Kind voices, please!”

“Outside time! Shoes on!”

“Inside time! Shoes off!”

“Outside again? Shoes on!”

“Inside? Okay. Shoes—you know.”

“Snack time!”

“Once upon a time, a long time ago, about last Thursday…”

“Let’s go, in the car! Shoes on!”

“Lunchtime!”

“No, no ice cream for lunch.”

“No, we can’t wake Eli up from his nap.”

“Yes, you may have an apple. And a banana. And baby carrots. And pumpkin seeds.”

“And a glass of water, sure.”

“No, you may not use the hot glue gun right now.”

“Yes, we can play outside.”

“Shoes on!”

You see how it goes. So I am unlikely to write any others down. But if I’m lucky, I might get to read a few, at least…

Five for Five, and Just Write. Today’s topic: WORDS. These are the only ones I’ve got today, and seriously? I am lucky I got that many written down before kid-bedtime. How are you using your words today?