1. Go to the zoo. (Or in our case the Safari Park, which we all still call the Wild Animal Park, even though they changed the name long long ago. Whatever. I still say Price Club when I mean Costco. Rebranding is not an option in my brain.)
BABY ELEPHANT. Need I say more, really?
2. Explain about animal poop. Namely, that there is a lot of it at the Wild Animal Park Safari Park ZOO, mostly just bird poop, which is not a big deal, but kids might want to watch where they step or sit or put their hands, because we know from experience that animal poop encounters freak some of us the heck out.
The kids felt certain that this gorilla must be pregnant. I felt certain that we couldn't even tell whether it was a boy gorilla or a girl gorilla, so. Who knows. (Well. probably SOMEBODY knows, but we are not that somebody.)
3. See animals! Watch Eli point and chortle (“Ooooh-hooo-hooo-hooo!” – best sound ever) and make signs for bird! gorilla! more bird!
4. See birds pooping. (Also elephants, gerenuks, and I think a gazelle. Plenty of fiber at the zoo.)
Golden eagle. I love how the zookeepers say things like, "See this? This talon is her KILL CLAW! Rabbits won't even know what hit them." And the kids nod and whisper: WOW. And maybe take a step back.
5. Get all the way to the far end of the park.
6. At this point, everyone will be hungry, but no one will want to stop to do something as boring as eat. Explain that after the lions, we are taking a bathroom break and sitting down with snacks.
RAWR, mama. Isn't she gorgeous?
7. Realize that you left the food in the car.
8. Back in the parking lot.
9. At the other end of the park.
Thank goodness we went all the way out to the Safari Park to look at exotic animals like... ducks.
10. Discuss food acquisition options. Look at the lions some more. Try to locate the nearest bathroom. Notice how no one yet has sat on, stepped in, or otherwise encountered fresh bird poop.
This was way less blurry in real life.
11. You will want to enjoy step 10 as much as humanly possible because in just a minute a bird with very good projectile aim is going to fly overhead. Over your husband’s head, in particular.
And then it is, quite suddenly, going to be time to go home.
I think this guy understands how Dane felt.
The end.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Haha! Oh, I mean, that’s terrrible. (Haha!)
Your experience at the zoo is still better than my experience. I will spare you the details as it’s rather gross, but thankfully does not include projectile bird poop. That’s about the only thing it doesn’t contain.
Hooray for the lack of falling poop! (See how I help you look on the bright side there? Probably only because I don’t know what else happened?)
poor Dane
He survived! There was much washing, but he and his hair will be just fine. It was one of those thank-goodness-I-don’t-have-a-bald-spot moments, I think.
yuck. Living in the city of Paris for 12 years… let me just say that it didn’t take a trip to the zoo to share in Dane’s pain. Not one family member escaped without being christened at some point…or two…or more.
EWWW! I can believe it. Actually, Dane ALSO has an awesome Paris poop story, involving his shoes and not wanting to bring them back into our car after a day out, and… hmm, that is a longer story than makes sense in a comment. But yes: poop. Paris. Perhaps the one place we, too, have encountered more poop than at the zoo!
Ooh, gross. Our worst zoo story involves 2 very frisky monkeys and trying to explain what game they were playing.
Ha! We’ve had THAT zoo trip, too.
Did you get pictures? I have a picture of the Paris incident. Perhaps you could do a themed photo book or something. Just a thought.
Do you really?!