audrey and the swing

(Alternately titled: If my life were a picture book, Saturday would read like this.)

Audrey has an older brother, an older sister, a younger brother, and a younger sister. Audrey is right in the middle.

Oh come on, they don't ALL need arms.

“Come on, younglings,” Audrey’s dad says. (Audrey’s dad is probably a Jedi. Secretly.) “Time to eat lunch.”

*Not Audrey's actual family.

Audrey’s younger sister does not like lunch. “No rice,” she says. “I will never eat rice again.” Audrey’s mother explains that this is an example of hyperbole.

*Not Audrey's actual lunch. But mmm, veggies! And fourth of July napkins! And my favorite platter.

“After lunch,” Audrey’s Jedi-dad says, “I think we’ll put up the new rope swing.”

Audrey’s older brother would like to tie the rope. Will they use a buntline hitch to secure it to the tree? And what about a monkey’s paw knot for the swinging end? “Maybe not,” says Audrey’s mother, who knows what a monkey’s paw knot looks like.

Monkey's paw knot, also called the monkey's fist. None of us is this talented.

“We’ll need to singe the rope ends to prevent fraying,” Audrey’s older sister says once the lunch dishes are cleared away. “I read that in a Martha Stewart book.”

No one argues with Martha.

Luckily Audrey’s dad knows where to find a little candle lighter, the kind of thing that would be handy if you lived in a castle and needed to fire up a bunch of torches for light.

Better than another picture of rope.

Audrey’s younger sister is hungry again, even though she did, reluctantly, eat lunch. “Do we have any seaweed?” We do not.

Probably she had something specific in mind. We hope it was the thing on the right.

Mom holds Audrey’s baby brother while Dad burns the ends of the rope. Then Dad holds Audrey’s baby brother while Mom ties the knots.

“I want to go first,” say all the children at once, when the rope is up. But Audrey’s mom goes first, to make sure the swing is secure.

Hm, thinks Audrey’s mom. For a person who has given birth in the last year, a rope swing is almost as bad an idea as a trampoline. Good to know.

Now, now, now we're happy! Though some of us still lack arms.

Then everyone takes turns kindly and Audrey can both swing and spin on the rope which is awesome the end.