Right after we moved, when my life was all chaotic and exhausting and lived out of boxes (as opposed to the rest of the time, when my life is chaotic and exhausting and not lived out of boxes), my friend Heather brought me tea.
“To restore joy,” read one of the labels. “To inspire hope,” read the other.
My friend Diana brought crafts for the kids to do, because she knew they would need activities, and she guessed I would be thrilled for someone else to provide those activities. (She was right.)
My friends are awesome.
We were talking today, one of my girlfriends and I, about how neither of us is really a Lots Of Friends person. We’re not the sort who have 82,546 Facebook “friends.” We don’t keep wild social calendars, with constant meetups and coffee dates and Moms’ Night Outs followed by Girls’ Night Outs followed by an afterparty. We’re not, maybe, popular. Either one of us.
I’m just happy having a few good friends, she said. (Me too.) And that’s enough.
(But then of course after she left I had to wonder if I made the list? That is to say: am I one of her good friends, or am I more like the circle beyond that? Do you have a circle beyond that, if you’re not a Lots of Friends Person? I think you do, it’s just a small-ish circle.) (This is probably a silly thing to wonder.)
Of course there are things we may never do or be because we’re not That Sort of People. We’d never be able to amass a bloc of voters to keep us in the running on Dancing With the Stars, for example. But I think I’m okay with that. And I like to think that being a Just a Few Close Friends kind of person means I appreciate my few even more. (That may just be self-justification, right there.) (And I’m okay with that, too.)
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m so having issues surrounding this lately. BIG issues surrounding this. Thank you for posting it.
Thank you too, Colleen.
It’s always nice to know it’s not just me.
Yes, you are. =)
(As I paranoidly wonder, AM I???? And now I’m suddenly realizing why we all appreciate the “Like” button on Facebook.)
That need for closeness–for loving and being loved–it’s still there. Whether you can fill that with a few friends or a few hundred, I guess that depends on the person. Or maybe the friends. Mine are always especially filling. But I do think that even those with tons are probably only real with a few. And that’s what I think makes for real friendships, anyway.
Of course you are!
I like that we share neuroses. That works well.
What a good post,Melissa. It’s not the quantity but the quality of friendships-and it sounds like you have good friends that you can depend on.
Yes! Thank you, Ayala.
This issue came up for me in a big way during this year’s holidays – prob because I was at home for most of it chasing after my kids aged 1 and 7.
After tossing it around for awhile, I realized something: sometimes it’s a good thing to be wary of people who travel in packs.
Oh dear! They sound sinister, traveling in packs. I hope you didn’t find yourself cornered.
I have 553 Facebook friends only because I teach 300+ kids/year. If you look at how many of those friends are ACTUAL friends, they probably wouldn’t add up to 50. Actually, if you take out family, it’s maybe 15? And as I get busier and busier with my kids, it gets harder and harder to maintain friendships that don’t directly involve my family. But the few friends I do have are wonderful!
Few + wonderful is no small feat, I think.
I am a smaller circle of friends person myself. I get this.
i usually have somewhere between 1 and 2 really friends and then maybe 2 – 4 just friends. and then that is that. sometimes i notice that one of my friends has a lot of friends besides me and i think “uh oh, am i doing something wrong? do people not like me?” but i think maybe i am just a 1 – 2 friend kind of gal.
p.s. and of course the people disclosing this are bloggers….
I am always forgetting not to compare. It doesn’t matter what other people do/have/think! How many friends someone else has is sort of irrelevant to my life. Right? And yet.
p.s. we maybe need shirts that say: many of my friends live in my computer.
If I could nod loudly, I would be doing so. (Perhaps I should invest in some large, loud earrings. Would you be able to hear my nodding all the way over there on the West Coast?)
Shall we try, and see?